Thursday, 9 January 2014

Inevitable Or Just A Worry?

Happy New Year everyone. Hope you had a good one and if you were watching the BGs (or you should have been) they behaved whilst you didn’t!

For me it was the annual body shutdown where the work tension of the previous weeks finally leads my body to say when I stop for the holidays that it’s time to shut down and just make me feel crappy. Hey ho. Apart from the seasonal bugs a good Christmas was had by all and the kids were suitably excited.

From a diabetes point of view I struggled a little. After ten days running a temporary basal of 125% and still having constant BGs of over 10 I decided to deal more ruthlessly and go hard-core. A new basal profile was created that ramped it up a little more and this seemed to do the trick. As my body has got rid of the sniffles the new basal is being tweaked downwards and I’m getting closer to where I’m normally at. So in summary; D getting in the way but not enough to spoil a good time of year.

Today’s rambling stream of words relates to something I’ve been thinking about quite a lot recently and two things that happened today scare me a little even though individually they were nothing special. By a miracle of some higher being I’ve managed to sustain all limbs, eyesight and internal organs to a level of working quite well although the pancreas is still on it’s permanent vacation. As I said I’ve been considering this topic a lot lately and can probably put it down to a midlife crisis and realisation of my own mortality. As a side-note my son this week called me the most embarrassing and uncool Dad he knows. I’m still removing that dagger from my heart as I was fairly certain I was pretty funky, but probably me thinking that proves I’m not! I’m also aware I’m very lucky my body is still working pretty well. The improved control over the last three years has helped I think but increased communication in the fantastic DOC also highlights that bad stuff can happen. So what happened today to make me all morbid?

Firstly I was filling in a paper form at work. This wound me up for a start as I prefer everything computer based and my handwriting is questionable but as I was completing it I was a little conscious that I was struggling to see some of the words clearly. For a while now I’ve been struggling in low light situations to read very small print and even though the eye Doc (in November) told me to just get some glasses as I’m getting on a bit it brings immediate thoughts of retinopathy and the removal of driving abilities etc, etc. The fact I had the photo taken so recently should reassure me but the nagging worry is still there that the years have finally taken their toll on my optics.

The second event was when I was coming out of the supermarket after buying some, now eaten, rather lovely Italian plum tomato & mascarpone soup. The tip of my right forefinger suddenly felt very cold, tingly and slightly numb. Immediate thoughts turned to peripheral neuropathy, loss of feeling and impending amputation. After driving home and warming the finger up, feeling returned pretty quickly. It’s been fine since but it’s another of those things that just adds to the background stress of what we deal with on a day to day basis. Mrs Bee suggested I get checked in to the GP but me being me I’ll probably hang on until it happens again or I’m next at the hospital in a few weeks.

There are plenty of examples of wonderful type oners with long lives and no complications so it's not inevitable but that doesn't mean I won't worry about it a lot - whilst still being the uncoolest Dad in the playground. Ouch again! Maybe I can talk about these points at the hospital at the end of the month but as always that depends on how the appointment goes. Wonder if I’ll see a Barney?

I know both of the things above are minor and I speak to plenty in the Twittersphere who sadly are in greater pain or discomfort but to me it’s a very major worry about what’s coming up. The early decades of being warned I’ll die young and without working organs have had an effect. I know without the never-ending support and love of my wife and all my family my head would be in a much darker place and so to them I say thank you very much. The complications may come but if and when they do I just need to get my head down and deal with it. There’s no guarantees in life apart from the inevitable but I don’t plan on getting to that point for many decades yet!

Finally two totally unrelated points:

1: During a meeting today at work when we were talking about hobbies and development a wonderful colleague of mine said that as it’s a new year he wanted to try some new things. Things such as yoga and amateur dramatics. A few puzzled looks and the obvious question of “Why?” was asked. The answer was perfect and summed up how life should be viewed, “Well, I’ve never tried either and I might be really good at them but if I never try, then I’ll never know.” I found that quite profound and the perfect way to look at life. Why stop yourself from doing something you’ve never done before? You might be a world leader in that field. Genius!

2: Five days ago a person I’ve 'met' on Twitter called Jenny celebrated her 50th anniversary of having type 1 diabetes. When I passed on my congrats and awe her reply was simple “When D days are bad I don't over stress. Perfection isn't life & tomorrow is another day!”. Another gem and a fine piece of advice for all of us.

Thanks for reading and if you’ve got this far reward yourself with a pat on the back.

Please come back soon.